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BALANCE/INNER PEACE

 

MY SEARCH HAS ENDED; MY JOURNEY’S BEGUN

 

            Eight years ago, I left my full time job at a Fortune 500 Company, to stay home with my three children—Angela 6, Beckie 4, and Carlos (CT) 3 months.  It wasn’t just a job; it was a career that I started after several years of hard work and dedication in an entry-level position.  I loved my career.  It made me feel confident, in control.  I loved my children too, and with three in daycare, it was expensive.  There was also a dream I had as a child; what I wanted to be when I grew up—a mom.

             So, with the support of my husband, Chuck, my dream, and my faith, I took the leap from corporate career gal to full time mom.  I sewed, I baked, and I did crafts with the kids.  As a family, we learned to live on one income.  Watching the girls get the bus at the corner, instead of at daycare cemented my dream with reality.  There were times within a span of three years that we experienced financial setbacks, death, and life.  Monica was born 18 months after CT, and Cathie was born 15 months after Monica (yes that is five children; the last three very close).  With my faith, I believed we would survive, and we did. 

             Although I truly believed that being a mother and maintaining the home front was a very important role, I was beginning to feel a sense of helplessness.  It was as if I was just a body going through motions.  Who Am I Anymore?  What happened to the woman who was confident and vibrant?  She was misplaced.  Where can I find her, I wondered, and most importantly how can I bring her back.

             For the next five years, I attempted a variety of jobs, from part-time retail to full-time office work, as well as a few home-based businesses.  The woman inside of me was coaxed out a bit further each time.  I felt the power, confidence, and sense of self-accomplishment I had felt before.  It was euphoric.  Until one day, while I was home with a sick child.  Unable to go to the office and handle the important tasks that were crucial to the company, I was feeling guilty—about not being at work!  Flashbacks went through my mind.  I did not recall many (if any) fun times with my family over the past few months at this particular job.  The thought of that lost time with the people I loved so dearly made me feel embarrassed by what I had allowed to happen.  What happened to those joyful days filled with making play dough, blowing bubbles, planting flowers in March in the hopes of spring soon arriving?  Tears filled my eyes as I realized there were many things I wanted to teach my children and many snowed-in days with a book by a warm fire we missed together.  My family is my life.  It is feeling I cannot shake, nor do I want to.

             There had to be a better way to bring balance into my life so I could be all I wanted to be.  Through several home-based businesses, I was given a taste of the freedom you get from owning your own business.  These opportunities also opened up the door to an enriching resource of self-help books, which I devoured.  With each book, I became a bit more self-assured.  With this self-assurance, I was beginning to form and accept the person I wanted to be.

             I began to notice the beauty surrounding me.  The singing birds on a fresh spring morning; the majestic blue sky crowned with billowing clouds.  I discovered a new website www.webshots.com which has awe-inspiring photos that put me in a reflective mood.  I thought about how fortunate we are to have a world filled with such beauty.  I began to thank God, not just in the evening, but all day.  The more I viewed the wondrous sites around me, the more peace I felt.  I started to see that my children, through their innocence, felt this everyday.  Then I remembered, I too, as a child, had the same feeling.  What happened to that warm peaceful feeling?

             Knowing how life can be too short, I decided it was time to be a mom again, but certainly with a new found feeling of all being a mom encompassed, not just the routine of a mom, but the heartfelt warmth of a moms mission.  I also decided to find a way to be an individual and to put my interests and desires along with the priority of my family.  In God’s eyes, I am deserving too.  What could I do that would allow me to use my business knowledge and my love of “office work” without sacrificing the part of me that truly loved being a mom?  I had to start my own business, no if ands or buts.

             During this period of intense searching, I have learned many things about myself, as well as gained insightful knowledge from reading and talking with positive, motivated people.  Ideas floated freely in my mind.  The pieces began to fit, as if by magic, and Paper Creations By Carm was born.

             My friends, my search has ended.  I have learned (and am still learning) how to successfully be the mother I dreamed of being, as well as being the individual who lives within my heart.  It is now a journey of learning how to maintain the balance, practicing what I learn, and sharing it with others to enjoy.  During my search, I was reunited me with a forgotten hobby—writing.  Whether you are male, female, married, single, with or without children, working outside of the home, or choosing to stay home, I am dedicated to helping you find the peace and balance in your life.  My journey has begun, would you like to join me?

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